Though extremely rare, the horrifying medical condition known as Olsenosis has stricken Kerry, our twenty-seven year old daughter. Medical experts are baffled by the illness which causes its victims - usually young women - to assume a moronic, lip pursing stare. The disease was first discovered in the late 1990’s after researchers examined thousands of photographs of the Olsen twins, Mary Kate and Ashley. To date there is no cure.

Leave it to my son Brendan, a 21 year old college student, to discover what most of America has overlooked; the brilliant artistic vision of an anonymous painter who has touched all of our lives. Brendan’s observations came about as I drove him back to college.

Click on image below to play movie.

Quicktime | Windows

If anybody knows the whereabouts of this person please inform the authorities. (me)

Name: John Sanford
Childhood Hometown: East Milton, Ma.
Distinguishing Characteristics: Lightening quick reflexes, quiet demeanor
Background Information: John was a hockey teammate at Providence College and a fellow 1970 graduate. He was our goalie (a good one) and a close friend but disappeared from my life following an alumni game about fifteen years ago leaving no phone number or address. Hockey goalies are known to exhibit strange behavior but Sanford’s sudden disappearance was uncharacteristic, given his long history of predictably responsible behavior. An alien abduction has not been ruled out.

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Photo taken of Mike during a car-jacking earlier in his life. To some extent, he has turned things around.